Waiting For A Break

Sometimes I wonder who I’ve pissed off.

What evil thing did I do to incur the wrath of the universe?

As of late I find I can’t get a break. A cosmic break. The amount of things I’m emotionally dealing with is at an all time high and I’m constantly wondering “How will I get through this?”

And it is coming at me from all sides: issues that bring up my past choices, problems that focus on my lifelong battle with my body image, indirect problems that reinforce my commitment issues and my fear of being hurt, my continuing fight to feel wanted by my peers. The continuing problem I have with letting go and just trusting that everything will work out.

I feel like I’m constantly on loose ground and unable to find my footing. About to fall at any moment with one wrong step. And just when I think I’m standing on solid ground, the earth beneath me shifts and I begin to stumble.

I have yet to fall and not get back up. But I feel the eminent danger of that moment. I know I don’t have a lot left in me to keep me going. I’m there, at the edge and I’m so alone and frustrated and so tired.

My resources are dwindling and I’m left worrying I’m asking too much of those left at my side. I know I’m tired of hearing my story over and over so I can only imagine those I still consider friends and how they feel when it’s another “bad day” from me.

So how do I make it past this point? How do I pull myself up and make it through? I’ve made it past so many other tough spots but how do I pull through this one? I’m not confident this will be the last one so I almost feel like laying down and just resting. Letting it wash over me and staying down this time. Staying down till this is all done.

So, universe….can I have that break now?

I’m still waiting for an answer…

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One thought on “Waiting For A Break

  1. I’m really sorry that you feel this way. I’ve been there, I’ve felt that way. I don’t quite know how we continue to go on in the face of such adversity. I’ve come to accept that it’s part of the human condition that we survive, thrive, require – hope. And that it’s part of our nature to continually hope, right up until the end, even when it seems hopeless.

    ((hugs))

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