It is very human to deal with feelings of regret.
We what if our past decision and then if only our current situations. We over think the hows and whys of our choices.
It’s human to wonder how things would be had we taken a different path. A different road had we made another choice, wishing we had been able to foresee our future.
I live with one main regret. It has nothing to do with my family or the choice I made to become a mom. That decision I live proudly everyday and believe firmly that I made the best choice.
It has nothing to do with past relationships or people I no longer have in my life. I’ve mourned those small deaths, feel the sting of loneliness but have surfaced happier and healthier than before. Those decisions I do not regret and instead I praise myself for making them.
No, my regret is not emotional, it’s not romantic and it’s not involving people in my life.
It’s a choice I made about my life. About my career and about my future.
At the time, it seemed like a good idea, to step outside my comfort zone and put my foot in the door. Become known and to further myself in the hopes of securing a classroom of my very own.
A classroom where the wall decor would change from season to season, from lesson theme to theme. Where the desks would be in groups and the board would have the date neatly written everyday. Where the students were loved and inspired to be their best.
As it ended up, that was never meant to happen. The risk taken did not work out for the better and instead I left the career field I so deeply craved to be apart of.
When I grew up I wanted to teach, to touch the lives of my students and to inspire them to do great things. Instead, I took a shortcut and found myself at a dead end. And there, I buried my hopes and dreams to teach and walked away.
I know, this is where I’m supposed to be. My mind understands it and my logic proves. Yet heart is still left behind.
Left in the past, in the classroom I always wanted.