There are moments in time. Moments that are unavoidable and aren’t something we can prepare for.
A moment that is meant to be a sign or in some way a designated point in space to remind of us something else.
Rarely are the two related. But, one is always big and reminds us of the small things. Or one is small and reminds us of the bigger picture.
Today was one of those moments. Something small brought about a reminder of something big. Bigger than the morning commute. Bigger than the expenses that are incurred monthly. Bigger than the bags of groceries to feed the bottomless pit that is a growing child. Bigger than the boo-boo on one’s heart. Bigger than the disappointment felt when that something small doesn’t quite fit into the scheme of things.
That small moment, that little glimmer of hope is the start of a much bigger avalanche that very quickly escalates into a disastrous mountain piled high on top of me. On my hopes. Burying me deep. Pushing me down.
Reminding me of the bigger picture.
As suddenly as it started, it ends abruptly and I’m left raw and tired. Numb from the cold, exhausted from the fight. I’m reminded of things I had stuffed away to deal with another day.
I’m reminded of my disappointments, my bone-deep exhaustion, my feeling of less-than and my fears of failure.
The big picture is me. My life. My path. Right now.
And that big picture is overwhelming and disappointing. It’s not what I thought it would be. It’s no where near as beautiful as I’d hoped.
That moment has passed but the big picture still looms in front of me. Facing me. And I can’t look away.