Cloudy

I feel as if I’m in a cloud.

A dense fog that shrouds my thoughts and makes it tough for me to think.

Maybe it was a simple glance or a smile. The brushing of my skin or the knowing words that filled in the empty spaces. Or the way it felt when I walked away, like I was being memorized. Soaked in.

But the attention blurred my vision and caused me to lose my sights.

I’m lost in a cloudy mess that has me spinning in circles till I fall, grounded to the solid earth beneath me. My head reels and my eyes close. I don’t know if I’m here or there.

I wish it was easy to ignore. I wish I was stronger, able to avoid these feelings. This loss of balance. I can wish all day that none of it affected me, that I had a cold steel heart beneath my pounding blood and my shifting muscles. I could do it, continue to try, but nothing would come of it. I’ll always have this heart, this open beating heart that loves to the depth and the breadth of the biggest seas. And shatters into a million pieces when broken.

Instead I search for the sun. For the skies that hide behind the cloudy veil that has been cast around me, keeping the horizon from view.

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