In between love and hate is the void where memories are stored.
There they live forever, happily reenacting the moments and magic that transpired within the bookends of time.
I’m in that void now and it’s with a mixture of feelings that I relive the moments over the past year that have come and gone before me.
There are the sweet memories. The ones that cause your skin to prickle and tingle with that sense of excitement that only a first kiss, a warm hand brushing your lower back, the tender touch in the middle of the night brings. All those firsts that grip your heart and squeeze just a little, making you feel like you are dipping down a speeding roller coaster feeling both anxious and excited to see what is around the next corner.
Then there are the comfortable memories. Ones where the silence stretched between us and nothing needed to be spoken. Nothing needed to be said. The air fit in between the spaces where words usually lingered and instead the cool night air and the music thumping along wrapped around and enveloped the moment in a soft and peaceful blanket of comfort. Those moments when it felt right and nothing else mattered.
The void is filled with memories of different kinds. As just as the sweet memories reside there, so do the painful ones. The memories of broken promises and long nights wondering if the dawn would bring a better view. If the good times were to only last for that split second.
For now I find myself sleepless at night, stuck in the void of memories and questions and waking tired and forlorn. And during the day, throughout my tasks and responsibilities, the void sneaks up and ensnares me.
I can’t take back anything. None of the good or the bad. Everything has happened and nothing can change that. I just have to wade through the void for now, longing for the moment when I’m free…again.