A Distinct Feeling

There is nothing in the world that makes me feel more alone than having a big decision to make by myself.

The weight of all the pros and cons, all the ins and outs press on me till I’m black and blue. Yet there is no one to take the pressure off.

It’s on my shoulders, my head. I must choose, must make the plans.

Big or little, involving just me or including my son, I must choose.

Nothing makes me feel more desperately alone on this long and winding path than this.

Maybe this is why I am hesitant to make simple decisions. Maybe this is why I like to be given direction and told what to do for smaller plans.

Because in my life, I make all the big decisions.

And for once, it’s nice to be decided for.

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