I say this regularly. In the middle of dinner, while we’re out grocery shopping or sitting with the family playing video games. Sometimes I’ll even comment in the dark of night as we’re both drifting off to sleep.
“We’re getting married,” I’ll say to him, out of the blue. Usually this is met with a chuckle or his responding with the same. “Yes, yes we are,” he’ll say.
It’s not that I forget. I mean, how can I with the constant check-list at the back of my mind and little to-do notices flashing on my phone? Or the ring that sits on my finger all pretty like? Or the little comments from family and friends asking how it’s all going? No, I haven’t forgotten I just can’t seem to remember that I’m planning my wedding.
What I think happens is like an out-of-body experience where I’m planning, working, calling, and checking on the status of things I’ve scheduled but it’s not for me. It’s for someone else. Another bride-to-be with my wedding date. And who happen to look like me.
But wait…that person IS me.
I wonder when it will truly be real. Or if I’ll go this whole long process through and never once connect with reality that this is all for me. The flowers and the dresses and the fittings and the hair appointments.
In four short months I’ll go from Ms. to Mrs. and I’m worried I won’t even remember THEN that I’ve gotten married.
Maybe on my 5th anniversary it’ll finally sink in and I won’t have to remind myself anymore.
I guess for now my little phone reminders will have to do.