For a while now, I’ve felt compelled to write this note. To put down in words my apology for something that was done years ago.
So long ago I am not sure on the time and date. I just know small details like the apartment I was living in at the time had blue carpet and how little my son was when this all took place.
The time I hurt someone very badly, causing undue pain and sadness.
It wasn’t something I did but more what I didn’t do. I saw signs I should have paid attention to. Small ones, little inklings that something fishy was going on. That lies were being sown. My gut reacted, I put the ball into motion to get to the bottom of it all, to get some answers. But I my concerns were dismissed and instead of following through I dismissed them, too.
A couple of years later, I ended up hurt and emotionally battered after surviving a storm caused by someone I had loved and trusted. Maybe trusted a little too much because it was that trust that lead me to quiet my gut instinct and in turn hurt someone very much. Someone I’ve never met but someone who deserves so much more than the pain my inactions caused. Someone who was worth more than the lies they were given.
Fast forward to today and I still have moments of regret. It was never my intention to hurt anyone and though I’m not the direct cause, with hindsight being 20/20 I realize I could have stopped a whole lot of broken hearts, mine included. I’ve been working on accepting that the suffering so many went through almost 4 years ago was meant to happen because we all learned something from it.
I have over the last two years debated whether it would be a good or a bad thing to contact the injured party personally with this apology. But doubt held me back. I was worried that instead of offering peace it would instead open old wounds. And that’s the last thing I would ever want to do. Enough tears have been shed.
So here is my open letter of apology, my offer to the one that was left behind and hurt by someone’s carelessness and by my ignorance. I, to this day, wish I had listened to my gut and asked more questions. You deserve an apology from someone else, not me, but I doubt that will ever happen. And if it has, or does, I doubt it will be honest and sincere. But know this, as small as my role was and as little my apology may count, it is given with the utmost sincerity.
I don’t expect anything to come of this. But I can hope this reaches the eyes of the one it is meant for.