Lying on The Strip

Glamor

Glitz

Fortune

and Fame

The machine turns and spits out another name.

Take it and sell

your soul to the Gods

For recognition and a life

of stars and shame.

Lights

Camera

Cheers

Pop!

Suck it all down while you’re at the top

for

It won’t last long,

or be remembered.

Any and all success

is and never was

Yours.

Take that drag,

shoot another.

The fiery burns

from the inside out.

Dark rings

surround your eyes

and

painted Faces

dance in smokey lies.

Not one person Real.

No skin exposed warm to the

Touch.

The surface a rubber mask

covering up

the Sad inky darkness

beneath.

 

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I Should Have Known

Every once in awhile a song gets it right. Too right.

The band members write a song and the lyrics feel as if they were ripped from your heart. From your very private and secure feelings deep inside, hidden from anyone else.

It rings too true and you feel as if your deepest secrets have been revealed, you body striped of your clothes and you are left standing there.

Vulnerable and naked.

I should have known better…

“I Should Have Known”

Foo Fighters
(feat. Krist Novoselic)

I should have known that it would end this way
I should have known there was no other way
Didn’t hear your warning
Damn my heart gone deaf

I should have known
Look at the shape you’re in
I should have known
But I dove right in
One thing is for certain
As I’m standing here
I should have known

Lay your hands in mine
Heal me one last time
Though I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt

I should have known
I was inside of you
I should have known
There was that side of you
Came without a warning
Caught me unaware

I should have known
I’ve been here before
I should have known
Don’t want it anymore
One thing is for certain
I’m still standing here
I should have known

Lay your hands in mine
Heal me one last time
Though I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt

No I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt
I should have known

Maybe you was right
Didn’t want a fight
I should have known
Couldn’t read the signs
Couldn’t see the lie
I should have known

Though I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt
No I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt
No I cannot forgive you yet
No I cannot forgive you yet
To leave us all in debt

I should have known.

Unlike Me

It is unlike me to say “I don’t know how I feel” without really knowing.

It’s unlike me to ignore the risks, to be blind to the dangers.

To avoid thinking of the possible future injuries.

It’s unlike me to forgo the precautions and to not take heed.

It’s unlike me to block out my intuitions and turn my back on my better judgment.

But it’s very much like me to do all these unlikely things when love is at stake.

When my heart calls out and yearns so deeply for that connection. That spark…

I’m known to become someone unlike me.

 

Dreaming Away

Each night it’s something new. Marriage. Lust. Jealousy. Flying.

Dreams.

Playing pool in a dingy, seedy bar.

Running and running but never getting far enough away to feel safe.

His face over and over again.

I wake sometimes with a headache, feeling lethargic and drained. Other times I wake suddenly, a film of sweat covering my limbs and clinging to the back of my neck, my hair curling from the moisture.

I’ve yet to wake up feeling completely and utterly peaceful, happy with the visions roaming my mind as I close my eyes to rest. Instead I toss and turn, fighting with some inner conflict that isn’t being resolved during my waking hours.

My heart is at war with my mind and my sleep is suffering from it.

Maybe my heart is working through what my mind already understands. Maybe my mind is trying to convince my heart of what is best. Or maybe the bonds and love built between two people can pierce through those sleeping minds, showing them what they had and what they really want.

I need clarity and peace.

I need a night of rest without anymore dreams.

I need sleep.

Corners of My Mind

in the middle of the night

awake

a film of sweat covers my limbs.

hugs the line of hair on my neck, curls tangled together

 

i remember my dream.

 

the mess of blankets and intertwined limbs.

of wants.

desire.

needs.

Of hands and fingers laced and gripped

tight

holding together as a breath slips between lips.

between us.

i close my eyes, wish away the feelings

dredged up from the forgotten vault of my heart.

and sleep returns.

i wake in the early morn,

bells ringing. sun rising.

dreams still on the tip of my tongue.

i taste them.

i see them

waiting

as i brush my teeth,

while i pack our lunches.

i’m distracted by their presence.

their dark soft colors.

the moans and sighs.

deeply.

driving my morning commute

they sit beside me

riding along.

all day i remember.

the tides of the past

flooding,

taunting,

shadows of what was.

of what is no longer.

i can’t tell if I want to remember these things.

if i want to sit back and enjoy the past

or if i want to push them under the rug.

to chew a sprig of parsley

to cleanse

rid me of these

memories.

to drink of a cup of tea

warm and purifying

and wash away the feelings of

remorse

regret.

lust…

and yet, there they sit

in the corners of my mind.

fresh.

distracting.

present throughout my day.

these memories of the flesh

passion embodied.